Glimpses Of Clarity...

Good Morning! Well, its the day after Mother's Day and I just don't know how to feel. This is the first year I've had to go visit my momma somewhere other than her home. I went to the place she lives, but it simply isn't her "home!!!" I know that that is where she will most likely be for the rest of her life... but I just don't see that ever being "home!" Maybe its just because its all so new, or maybe because she seems to almost be back to herself. In sitting there yesterday, talking with her for over an hour, there were only a couple of things that seemed "off"... or, at least that I noticed. It is SOOO hard, when she seems sooo much like herself, to accept MY mother has dementia!!! I'm scared for how greatly my life is going to change now! Over the last few years she has really become one of my best friends. My circle of family and friends... who affect my life... who are there on a daily basis... who, I've learned, will leave a hole in my life when they are removed in any way from my sharing my life with... consists of my Mother, my Dad, and my girls! The loss I feel right now is more than I could have EVER expected! Knowing that this disease will continue to progress and progress until instead of there being small glimpses of her dementia there will be small glimpses of clarity. And that is the scariest of all! I miss my momma soooooo much already!... How will I ever be able to make it through the gradual and visible loss of her... completely!?!